the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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