I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
