Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
