god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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