i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
