I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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