Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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