So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
