I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
