Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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