my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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