im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
