I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
