My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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