My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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