no, he came in my armpit
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
