The maid of honor just puked.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
tell me about the fingering
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