I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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