I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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