Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
