This girl is more easily done than said...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
