I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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