Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
