YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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