I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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