During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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