I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The power of my boobs compel you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
