Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's great music for shaving your balls
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
