haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
