Umm I'm too high to move.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm too high and old for this...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
