remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize