dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize