my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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