I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
