let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
