reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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