You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
