All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Congratulations! We have a period
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