why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
