Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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