So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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