Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
