Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
