His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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