i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I checked into jail on foursquare
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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