Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
