Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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