I'm so fucking centered right now
Your dad touched me again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is the high leading the old right now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
