You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
