Kiss
Puke
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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