just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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