Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
