Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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