she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
