he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
