I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
