when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize