on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
