I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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