I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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