I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
