What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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