nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
