I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
