I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
