Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
