well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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