Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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