Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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